These pics of “Modern Family’s” Julie Bowen on the beach with her husband technically qualify as celebrity bikini pictures, but you could put Ernest Borgnine a two-piece that’d still qualify, too, just to put it in perspective. Sometimes the glass is half-full; sometimes the glass is blisteringly pale with the physique of a parasitic Ethiopian orphan. I guess it’s really all in how you choose to look at it.

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

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Jack from “Will and Grace” finally comes out of the closet. (Hollywood PQ)

Roger Ebert makes a rare public appearance since losing losing the entire bottom half of his face to cancer. (Moe Jackson)

When did Michelle Rodriguez get the killer rack? (Hollywood Rag)

Natalie Portman looking beautiful as always at the Vanity Fair Oscar party. (UseMyComputer)

Maria Menounos drops some serious cleavage on the red carpet. (Popoholic)

The Ikki twins are infinitely hotter now that they’ve dumped Hugh Hefner. (Right Celebrity)

Heidi Klum might be smokin hot, but you’d never know it from these pictures. (The Grumpiest)

First stills from “The Bachelor’s” Rozlyn Papa’s sex tape! (The Dirty)

Jessica Alba in bed with a come-hither smile… (Dirty Rotten Whore)

All the 82nd Annual Academy Award nipslips you might have missed. (City Rag)

L’il Wayne begins his year in jail today. (Holy Moly)

Heidi Montag’s Funny or Die video isn’t funny and she doesn’t die. Frankly, I feel a little shortchanged. (Litely Salted)

Amber Rose can wear clothes that cover more than her nipples and genitals. Who knew? (Celeb Smack)

Beth Ditto looks like a clown corpse that’s suffering severe post-mortem bloat. Yikes. (popbytes)

VS model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley naked for Purple magazine. (CelebNewsWire)

Gerard Butler and Gabby Sidibe? Excuse me while I gouge out my mind’s eye. (The Fab Life)

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Country singer Taylor Swift sports an edgier, flat-ironed ‘do in next month’s issue of Elle magazine. I have to say, it’s a real improvement. I had no idea how much better going straight would be. Which, incidentally, are eleven words you’ll never hear come out of Matthew Broderick’s mouth in succession. Not without him dissolving into a fit of giggles and a lot of frantic hand-flapping, anyway.

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Lindsay Lohan’s brief foray into couture is over as quickly as it began — she has been fired as the artistic director of fashion house Emanuel Ungaro. According to Women’s Wear Daily

Lohan was not at the Ungaro show Monday morning, leaving chief designer Estrella Archs to take a solo bow.

Shes not involved in this collection, Ungaro owner Asim Abdullah told WWD backstage before the fall show, declining further comment.

Later in the day, Lohan turned up in Kenzos front row. Asked why she hadnt been at Ungaro, she replied: Because I dont work for them anymore. Prompted for more specifics, she noted, Theres legal things going on; I cant really discuss it.

I didn’t realize being a talentless, clueless dirty whore was actually a legal issue nowadays. Good to know. You might want to see about getting your mom an attorney on retainer then, just to be safe.

UPDATE: Watch the E-Trade commercial for which Lindsay is suing for $100 million in compensatory damages after the jump. Not making this up.

In Paris for Fashion Week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

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Sean Penn was reportedly kicked out of the Governor’s Ball Oscars after-party Sunday night after punching “Hurt Locker” producer Greg Shapiro. Nine MSN says

Shapiro is dating Penn’s on-again/off-again ex-[wife] Robin Wright.

But despite reports of a scuffle between the pair, Penn’s reps deny he was even at the party.

[But] we have to admit [Penn] was looking pretty out of it when he announced the Best Picture award at the end of the ceremony.

And further corroborating the story, TMZ adds

Sean and Greg were in the same room with each other at one point in the night.

After Sean presented the Best Actress award to Sandra Bullock, both presenter and winner are supposed to go to an elevator which takes them near the press room. Sandra lingered around backstage for a little while — so Sean went to the elevator by himself.

After Sean emerged from the elevator and was waiting around for Sandra, a group of people from “The Hurt Locker” came up in the elevator right after the Best Picture announcement — Greg Shapiro was in that group.

We’re told Sean was nearby when Greg got off the elevator.

It’s funny how that whole bad boy persona doesn’t work when you’re pushing sixty and have a paunch and gray hair. What might have been viewed as scandalously sexy before just comes across as pitiful and pathetic now, like having a tribal armband tattoo or riding around on a Vespa. The only thing “hard” about Sean Penn now are probably his arteries.

Leaving CNN after a Larry King interview last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

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For the first time in recorded history, the Academy Award’s Best Documentary Short category is getting all the attention, namely because Mrs. Garrison got up and stole some gay guy’s thunder in a move that’s being hailed as the “Kanye Moment at the Oscars.” According to MSNBC

Director-producer Roger Ross Williams took to the stage for his acceptance speech for the film Music by Prudence,” but before long, [co-producer] Elinor Burkett stepped in to do a Kanye West-esque takeover of the mic and speech.

Theres a back story here and it involves a huge fight between the two, a lawsuit, and an even an accusation from Burkett that Williams mother took her cane and blocked her from getting up to receive the Oscar (which Williams denies).

Salon.com talked to both Burkett and Williams after the ceremony, and you can read both sides of their stories here. But that’s boring and nobody cares. Instead, enjoy my stunning visual recreation of the night’s events below, where Reggie Bush plays the black dude and Kim Kardashian in a bikini plays Mrs. Garrison, and the Costa Rican shoreline serves as the backdrop instead of the Kodak Theater stage and they make out instead of awkwardly stepping all over each other in front of an audience of millions. I find most of life is more relatable when you set it up like a second-rate porno.

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The official trailer for Iron Man 2 is finally here, and it’s chock-full of “Scarlett Johansson looking sexy while wearing a leopard-print bustier” and “Scarlett Johansson crushing a man with her thighs while wearing a neoprene bodysuit.” Not to mention Mickey Rourke and a whole army of evil Iron Men and massive explosions and Nicky Fury and the Avengers and ahhhhh thbbbbpfftt. Nope, I still can’t get through that trailer without blowing my load at least once. Prepare yourself for the din of a thousand fanboys collectively crying and apologizing at once, because it’s coming.

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Canadian-born Corey, who was 38, is believed to have passed away from an accidental drugs overdose at the property in Oakwood, near Burbank, California. His mother was present at the time.   The star was taken to Providence St. Joseph’s Medical Center where he was pronounced dead, according to sources at the Los Angeles Police Department’s North Hollywood Division.

Coroner’s Lieutenant Cheryl MacWillie has already revealed an autopsy will be carried out to determine the official cause of death.   Corey shot to fame in the 80s after appearing in ‘Lucas’, werewolf movie ‘Silver Bullet’ and cult vampire film ‘The Lost Boys’, which also starred Kiefer Sutherland.

He also briefly dated former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham in 1995.   Corey had made no secret of his battles with drug abuse and in 2000 he confessed to taking large quantities of the sedative Valium every day.   But he appeared to be a battle he had won and in 2004 he claimed he had overcome his substance abuse problems, saying: “I’m clean, sober, humble and happy."

Industry insiders have confirmed to horror movie site Bloody Disgusting that both ‘Borat’ star Sacha Baron Cohen and ‘Flight of the Conchords’ actor Jemaine Clement are possible contenders for a new character named Yaz.

Josh Brolin is believed to have signed up already for the movie, although his role has yet to be confirmed.   Will Smith is currently still believed to be returning to the franchise.  Initial plans were to have the movie in production by spring this year with a release in 2012, but it now looks like filming will be delayed by a number of months.

However, the script has already been written by ‘Tropic Thunder’ screenplay writer Etan Cohen.   The original ‘Men in Black’ in 1997 took $600 million at the box office worldwide, while the follow-up in 2002 earned $440.   Earlier this week it was announced that Baron Cohen had scrapped a plan to follow up his movie ‘Borat’ with a comedy about the ‘Eurovision Song Contest’.

The Brazilian supermodel says she never felt stronger than when she welcomed son Benjamin, her child with husband Tom Brady, into the world last December.   In a posting on her new blog (http://blog.giselebundchen.com.br), she wrote: “Giving birth was the most intense and life-changing experience of my life… I never felt so vulnerable but so strong at the same time.   “When he finally was placed into my arms, I looked into his precious eyes and felt an overwhelming, unconditional love. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment. ‘We did it! We did it together!’ He and I. I never felt so complete and empowered in my life."

Gisele delivered Benjamin at her and Tom’s Beacon Hill penthouse, in Boston, and she admits the familiar surroundings helped keep her calm during the labour.   She added: “I was able to feel safe, blessed. I was allowing my mind and my body to let go and be free to experience the changes taking place within while surrounded by love." 

The 29-year-old catwalk beauty hopes she will be as good a mother to Benjamin as her mom Vania Nonnenmacher was to her.   She explained: “My mom devoted her entire life to her family and did it with such grace. She couldn’t have been more of a loving and caring mother. She is the reason why I believe that a woman is the core of a family. I can only hope to be for my kids what she will and always be for us."

Birthdays For March 10, 2010

Carole Amiel 1960 ƒpernay France
Companion of actor Yves Montand and mother of their, son Valentin, born at Nice Dec. 31 1988
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Capricorn

Sharon Stone 1958 Meadville Pennsylvania
Actress, stony blonde, films include "Total Recall", "Basic Instinct", "The Specialist", "The Quick and the Dead"
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Pisces

Tom Scholz 1947 Toledo Ohio
Singer, songwriter, guitarist, keyboard player for group "Boston", 6′5", inventor of Rockman guitar amps, effects boxes
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Cancer

Chuck Norris 1940 Ryan Oklahoma
Actor, martial arts devotee, many action films include "Missing in Action", TV series "Walker Texas Ranger"
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Pisces

James Earl Ray 1928 Alton Illinois
Assassinated Martin Luther King, convicted alone although there is question of conspiracy, died Apr. 23, 1998
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Leo

Arthur Honegger 1892 Le Havre France
Composer, one of "The Six" in the ’20’s, a group of French composers who rejected romanticism and impressionism
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Taurus

Hector G. Guimard 1867 Lyon France
French Architect, designed cast iron and glass entrance to Paris Metro
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Scorpio

The end result is a new promotion called NWA-Liberty States which is based in New England.   It was a thrilling night for the National Wrestling Alliance as well because its newest affiliate, NWA-Liberty States, was off and running.  With the first NWA-Liberty States’ title belt on the line, “Brutal” Bob Evans entered the “squared circle” against his opponent Antonio “The Promise” Thomas.

As everyone expected, it was a wild, extremely physical match between two seasoned pros with Thomas coming out on top.   “I’ve appeared on Raw and TNA Destination-X and yes, I am still after crowns,” claimed Thomas. I promised more gold and here it is… around my waist.”

Now, Antonio “the Promise” Thomas is the first ever NWA-Liberty States champion. His fans know that “The Promise” is a certified trainer who shows up for matches in top condition and gives them their money’s worth.   As far as the future is concerned, Thomas had this to say, “All worthy opponents are welcome to a shot at my new title, but I must warn them; I have every intention of keeping this one and they better be prepared to go home empty handed.”

Whitfield said: “Being a man, men know men, and we were around him long enough to know he was a man.”   Garcia added: “He had desires of women like we do. He had lovers. In the cars that we had, we had a curtain that covered the back seat. You couldn’t see in the back seat. They talked back there; they didn’t do nothing out of bounds. You could hear the kissing.” 

Jackson was accused of sexually abusing 13-year-old Jordan Chandler in 1993 but settled out of court with the Chandler family in January 1994 for $22 million.   In 2003, he was again accused of child molestation by Gavin Arvizo but was acquitted of all charges brought against him in the 2005 trial.   The three men – who were referred to as the singer’s ‘Inner Circle’ during their appearance on TV show ‘Good Morning America’ – also insisted he was a great father to his three children, Prince Michael, 13, Paris, 11, and eight-year-old Prince Michael II, who is known as ‘Blanket’.  

Garcia said: “The kids were constantly saying, ‘I love you, daddy.’ They were like four buddies.”   Jackson – who passed away last June aged 50 – was also fiercely protective of his kids and would make his security team scour and remove magazines carrying news about him when the family were out in public.   Whitfield recalled: “I’d be ahead of him, because I know he’s coming this way, and I’m looking at magazine racks that may have something about him on them and I’ll turn it around.   “Sometimes he’d see them, and you would actually see him take them and turn them around so the kids didn’t see them.”

The band’s lawyer, Robert Howe QC, said in court the group want to “know where they stand as a matter of contract,” and that they are concerned about online sales of their tracks.   He questioned EMI’s ‘‘entitlement to sell individual tracks, or indeed any tracks, otherwise than in the original configuration of the Pink Floyd albums.”

He further argued the band have a contractual clause which “expressly prohibits” the selling of their tracks, either physically or online ”other than in their original configuration” – in other words, the band’s albums can only be sold as a whole body of work rather than as individual tracks.   Howe added: “Both parties were faced with a whole new world of potential exploitation,” which has developed through changes in the way music is distributed since the group’s last record contract was negotiated in 1999.

Howe also said EMI had argued the contractual agreement only applies to physical product and not online, which he argued “makes no commercial sense”.   Pink Floyd – whose album ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ is one of the biggest selling of all time – signed with EMI in 1967 and are the label’s second most successful artist after The Beatles.   Struggling record company EMI reported in February it made a £1.5bn pre-tax loss last year.

The former Playboy model and the Good Charlotte rocker – who previously dated socialite Paris Hilton – are reportedly thinking of buying a house together, even though they have been dating for just three months.   A source told In Touch Weekly magazine: “Benji cares very much for Holly. They have been talking about living together.”

Holly – who is a former girlfriend of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner – is currently starring in Las Vegas burlesque concert ‘Peepshow’.   Last week Benji, 30, also recruited her to appear in a video for band IT BOYS! – who he discovered– and the couple amazed onlookers with their flirty behaviour.   A source on set said: “Benji kept telling her how amazing she looked. They couldn’t keep their eyes off each other.”

Benji may be looking to settle down with Holly, as he recently revealed he is worried he is getting old.   The guitarist said he can never trust college students because of the way they look and talk, but realises his statement makes him sound like a grumpy old man.   He tweeted: "College kids with their big words and their sandals and their funny hair. I don’t trust ‘em (sic)."
He then wrote: "Last tweet=sure sign that I’m getting old. FVCK (sic)."   Photo: Fame Pictures

Wayne – real name Dwayne Carter – was originally due to enter prison in February, but the sentence was delayed as he needed to undergo surgery on his teeth.    The hearing was then put back again last Tuesday (02.03.10) when a fire broke out in the New York court room which led to his case being cancelled.

Ahead of going to jail Wayne tweeted: “Law is mind without reason… I’ll return.”   Wayne will be held in a separate wing of the prison to the general population of inmates because of his fame, although he will be able to spend time with 17 other convicts – separated for similar reasons – in a TV room.
The prolific songwriter has also vowed to keep working while serving time, saying recently: "I’ll be still rapping in there, have a gang of raps ready when I come back home."

Fellow rappers have already begun lamenting the loss of the rapper from the music industry for a year.   Childhood friend and fellow rapper Bun B said: “I feel bad, because I don’t think anything like this has happened in music since Elvis got drafted into the Army.”   Rap mogul P. Diddy was also reflective, saying: “I think we gonna miss a certain energy that Wayne has. The beauty about it is, he’ll be back, and hopefully he’ll come back a better person.” 

Wayne is expected to be released in approximately eight months, with good behaviour.

The TV star – who is married to rocker Ozzy Osbourne – doesn’t like the look of her breasts following her last boob-boosting operation and is considering going under the knife again to have her chest changed.

She said: "I wish I’d never had my breasts done the last time. They’ve put these bloody great bags in that are too f***ing round – it’s like a waterbed on your chest.   "I hate my t*ts. I want to have the bags taken out and then I’ll put them up on eBay!"

The 57-year-old star – who has famously spent over £300,000 on cosmetic surgery – doesn’t want to undergo any more procedures in the near future, but believes she will eventually get more work done.   She added to Britain’s new! magazine: "Would I have more surgery? Not right now. Maybe when I get to my 60s, I don’t want to have a flopping neck."

Although Sharon wants her implants removed, daughter Kelly recently revealed she would be prepared to have a boob job when she gets older.   The 25-year-old presenter said: "When my boobs get saggy I will have them lifted. I don’t want my nipples facing the floor.   "Plastic surgery works for someone like my mum. It changed her life and gave her that last bit of confidence she needed."  Photo: Fame Pictures

Brooke Burke: Dancing With The Stars Co-host

Farrah Fawcett, Bea Arthur Snubbed at Oscars

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Inside Michael Jackson’s Chaotic Home

R&B Singer D’Angelo Accused of Soliciting a Prostitute in NYC

Dannez Hunter claims that he submitted the key conceptual basis for ‘Kill Bill" to Miramax in 1999 and then the company, Harvey Weinstein, and Tarentino proceeded to steal it.   Mr. Hunter also claims that although he applied for a job at Miramax he was refused and instead jobs were offered to many less qualified Jewish White people.   I suppose its time for some serious affirmative action in Hollywood I mean there are obviously way too many White Jews there – and it couldn’t be a skill thing – they are simply getting hired for being White Jews

Lady Gaga stepped out in what I am not sure to describe as a bumble bee outfit or a  traffic-sign outfit on Saturday as she made her way through London’s Heathrow airport en route to Los Angeles.   My only questions is who is responsable for these absolutely ridiculous outfits she wears.  Does she really believe outrages outfits replace talent? Photos: Flynet Pictures

HOT STORIES

Marie Osmond Lays Son to Rest With Words of Thanks

Sean Hayes Comes Out in The Advocate

Molly Malaney Was ‘Calm’ Before ‘Bachelor’ Wedding

Is George the New Jack? Clooney Filling Nicholson’s Role at Oscars

Family, Friends Respond to Farrah Fawcett’s Missing ‘Memoriam’ Mention

Actress Katherine Heigl has left her blonde hair behind! She shows off her new, darker hair while heading to Little Dom’s for lunch in Los Feliz, CA.   What do you think – do you like it?

"We’re also the fattest country in the world, so it’s not like we’re all looking at fashion magazines and not eating." — Tina Fey on wether thin models encourage eating disorders.

Birthdays For March 09, 2010

Courtney B. Wagner 1974 Los Angeles California
Daughter of Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner, age seven when her mother drowned November 29 1981, b.Courtney Brooke Wagner
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Virgo

Kato Kaelin 1959 Glendale Wisconsin
Key witness in the OJ Simpson trial
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Pisces

Bobby Fischer 1943 Chicago Illinois
Chess Grandmaster by age 15, left highschool to devote himself to pro competition
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Leo

Mark Lindsay 1942 Eugene Oregon
Musician, lead singer of rock band, Paul Revere and the Raiders, hits songs include "Kicks"
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Gemini

Yuri Gagarin 1934 Smolensk Russia
Cosmonaut, the first man in space April 12, 1961, killed in crash of Mig trainer jet 1968, crater on Moon named for him
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Aquarius

Andre Courreges 1923 Pau France
Fashion designer, a ’60s revolutionary, designed miniskirts, boots, pantsuits
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Gemini

George Rockwell 1918 Bloomington Illinois
American Nazi party founder
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Capricorn

Victoria Sackville-West 1892 Sevenoaks England
Writer, pen name "Vita", the model for Virginia Woolf’s book "Orlando"
Zodiac Sign: Pisces – Ascendant: Capricorn

You and I weren’t the only ones sneaking booze around last night — George Clooney had a secret stash of the good stuff at Sunday’s Academy Awards. E! Online says

George Clooney was hiding a secret on the red carpet — a flask!

[At one point during the night], George… opened his tux jacket. And there, gleaming and looking awfully deliciously discreet, was a silver flask.

Oh, come on — who among us hasn’t sneaked in a flask of whiskey to a boring social event? Or to a job interview, for that matter? A niece’s bat mitzvah? Parent teacher conference? Intensive care unit at a burn ward? You know what they say — if I had a nickel for every time I went somewhere with a flask, well, then, I’d be the happiest goddamn woman on the planet. I’ve been searching and searching for a job where I get paid to get drunk all day long. Blogging is the closest I’ve gotten so far.

With girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis at the Oscars (thumbs 1 &2); him with a decent haircut and her in a better dress at the “Up in the Air” premiere (the rest):

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

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Holly Madison hosts the Adriana Fernadez bikini launch, and — surprise! — they’re all in bikinis. (Moe Jackson)

No way that’s Christina Ricci. (Socialite Life)

Christina Hendricks deserves an Oscar for her amazing rack display. (UseMyComputer)

Miley Cyrus’ mom, or down-on-her-luck dayshift stripper? Only her stylist knows for sure. (Hollywood Rag)

Leighton shows some leg. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Find out what Ryan O’Neal had to say about the Academy snubbing Farrah Fawcett in the “In Memorandum” segment of the show. (Wonderwall)

Hilary Swank had the Vanity Fair Oscar’s party’s best dress, pants hands down. (Holy Moly!)

Bar Rafaeli looked like sex on a stick at the Academy Awards. (CelebSlam)

Lindsay Lohan’s boobs make a surprise reappearance in Dior! (Derek Hail)

Alessandra Ambrosio stretching in a bikini to give you that uncomfortable afternoon-at-work-boner. (The Superficial)

The most divisive movie in Pajiba history, and it’s NOT Avatar. (Pajiba)

Gabbie Sidibes’ dress is porno-riffic. And vomit-tastic. (LitelySalted)

Sandra Bullock picks up her Worst Actress of the Year Award a day before she wins Best Actress at the Oscars. How fickle is Hollywood! (Celebrity Odor)

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Mariah Carey and her bulging Valentino dress intimated that she might be pregnant during an interview at last night’s Academy Awards. The Daily Mail says

To the glitz and glamour of the Oscars red carpet last night, Mariah Carey added a touch of intrigue by hinting that she was pregnant.

Looking radiant, the 39-year-old told reporters that something special was about to happen but refused to elaborate further.

We don’t necessarily know that she’s referring to a pregnancy here. That “something special” that’s “about to happen” could just be that an entire triple-layer cheesecake is about to drop into her lower intestine, giving her enough room to down another couple of plates at the Oscar buffet. I don’t want to go putting words in her mouth here. Mostly because she would probably try and eat them.

With husband Jack Sprat Nick Cannon on the red carpet:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

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I don’t know why the hell Nicole Richie would have been invited to the Oscars, given that “The Simple Life” was her greatest acting accolade to date, but you can guaran-damn-tee she won’t be invited back after showing up in this hot mess of a Reem Acra dress. Just think of how many early seventies sofas had to be massacred to make that frock. And then how many Bedazzlers had to give their beaded lives to try to make the dress not look like it was scalped from the couch in your meemaw’s basement. It’s just a colossal waste of upholstery and appliqu any way you cut it.

The rest of the worst-dressed after the jump.

And now, from Marchesa’s cauliflower-ear collection — Vera Farmiga:

Miley Cyrus’ Jenny Packham dress isn’t the problem; it’s her sudden case of hunchback-itis. Plus I hate her:

Far be it from me to knock the Godfather of Fashion, so I’ll just assume it’s Sarah Jessica Parker’s fault this Chanel Haute Couture looks so hideous and shapeless:

I like boobs. I like cinnamon rolls. I like Charlize Theron. However, I do not like the combination of all three in this Dior:

Amanda Seyfried’s Armani Prive dress is boring and uninspired. Much like Amanda Seyfried. From a distance, it almost looks like bubble wrap.

Diane Kruger’s Chanel sheath is so structurally incongruent and unflattering. It looks like somebody stuffed some old bedsheets in a leaf shredder and added some ruching and feathers as a last-ditch Hail Mary to save the dress:

Rachel McAdams’ Elie Saab dress proves Scarlett O’Hara isn’t the only girl who can make a dress out of curtains. In this case, out of late eighties beach house curtains:

Givenchy obviously drew inspiration for Zoe Saldana’s dress from those paper flowers you see at hat dances and cock fights or whatever it is Mexicans do when they aren’t crossing the border illegally:

Carey Mulligan’s Prada dress is very cutting edge. Because there’s tiny scissors on it. FAIL:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

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The 82nd Annual Academy Awards were last night, and other than The Dude winning for “Crazy Heart” and “Avatar” getting rightfully snubbed (“unobtainium,” anyone?), it was a completely forgettable affair. I remember some big fat black chick winning for something, and then she somehow turned into an even bigger, fatter, blacker chick by the end of the night, for which I have no explanation other than James Cameron and possibly peyote.

But the one thing I do remember are the dresses, and while there were plenty of disappointments, a few stars really stood out this time. Kate Winslet, for one. And her dress wasn’t even that spectacular, but paired with the jewelery and the hair and the makeup… I don’t know… she just looked perfect. Versace did Demi Moore and Elizabeth Banks proud, and as much as it pains me to say it, I thought Kristen Stewart’s dress was fantastic. I’ll save the rest of my vitriol and condescension for the worst-dressed, coming up next. Stay tuned!

If you care about this sort of thing, a list of the night’s winners here.

Kate Winslet in Yves St. Laurent and $2.5 million Tiffany jewels:

Elizabeth Banks in Versace:

Demi Moore in Versace:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

The rest of the best after the jump.

Kristen Stewart in Monique Lhullier:

Jennifer Lopez in Armani Prive:

Cameron Diaz in Oscar de la Renta:

Sandra Bullock in Marchesa:

Penelope Cruz in Donna Karan:

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Wait a minute didn’t this chick say there was "no sex tape"?  Rumors have been swirling around saying that "Bachelor" Rozlyn Papa had a sex tape.  Now remember poor Rozlyn has been saying she is appalled at how unfairly she was depicted on the show.  Well the sex tape Rozlyn said does not exist has been leaked to the internet.  The tape is short but I have to say it certainly looks like Rozlyn.  The tape has been released on the website Pornhub.com. (Please note it is an adult website)   So is it Rozlyn or is it a lookalike?